Why Not You?

Stop asking why them. Start asking why not you.

When I was chopping it up with Shane Gillis after one of his shows in 2024, he asked me if I wanted to go on stage and do five minutes. I immediately said no and walked away. But a split second later, I decided to do it anyway.

For context: it was only my third time doing standup in front of an audience. Third. Not my thirtieth, not my three hundredth. My third. Most people need a decade of open mics before they step in front of a crowd headlined by one of the biggest comedians in the world. I had two reps under my belt and a willingness to put myself out there publicly.

At that moment, the only question worth answering was “why not me?”

Not “am I good enough yet?” Not “what will people think if I bomb?” Not “what gives me the right to do this?”

Why. Not. Me.

I got up there. Did my thing. Was it perfect? No. Was it real? Yes. Did I learn more in those few minutes than I ever could have by waiting until I felt “ready”? Yup.

Scenes from the stage

We’re really good at asking the wrong question

When something good happens to someone else, we have a natural tendency to ask “why them?”

Why did they get the shot? Why did they get the contract? Why did they get the press? The attention? The opportunity?

I get it. Comparison is human. I’ve done it. We’ve all done it.

But “why them” is a trap. It keeps you on the outside looking in, like you’re watching a game you were never invited to play. It tells your mind that the shiny object you seek is just for them, not ever for you.

My challenge for you is to flip it.

Why not YOU?

Why can’t it be you who gets the shot? Why can’t it be you who steps into the unfamiliar and figures it out? Why can’t it be you who shows up and earns the right to be there in real time?

You can wait until the conditions are perfect. Until you’ve logged enough hours, gotten enough reps, earned enough credibility. You’ll be waiting forever.

Or you can ask: why not me? And then just go do it.

The position they need you to play

More than once in my career, a coach has come to me and said: we need you somewhere different. Different role. Different responsibilities. When I got to the Patriots after Detroit, the Pats wanted me to play more on the ball. I ended up doing that and it was a huge success for me because I was able to play both on and off the ball and show off my skills.

Any time there is a moment like this, there’s a quick flash of me wanting to push back. I’ve built my identity around a certain position. A certain skillset.

But I’ve learned to stop asking “why me?” and start asking “why not me?”

Why can’t I learn this? Why can’t I add this to my game? Why can’t I be the guy who makes the team better by being flexible instead of fixed?

The best people I’ve been around adjust when situations change. That’s a real teammate and a real leader.

When “Why not me” gets a ring (or two)

Celebrate like you mean it

I celebrated my birthday in a big way last week. I know some people gave some shade. Why the big deal? Why make it a thing?

I have one answer: why NOT?

Why not celebrate the life you’ve built? Why not acknowledge that you’re still here, still healthy, still competing, still surrounded by people you love?

There’s this quiet pressure to downplay the good stuff. That anything above the baseline is audacious. Don’t celebrate too hard or you’ll jinx it. Don’t get too excited or people will think you’re soft. Don’t make it a big deal or it seems like you’re showing off.

I’m pushing back on all of that.

If you’ve earned something worth celebrating, celebrate it. Why not? Why not you?

I’ve never felt impostor syndrome

Impostor syndrome is a real thing for a lot of people. Impostor syndrome lives in “why them.” It’s the belief that someone else deserves to be here more than you do. That the room made a mistake when it let you in.

Asking “Why not me” is what breaks that loop. Similar to how I remind myself I’m a bad*** after a bad play and move onto the next. It’s a quick system reset.

This is not delusion or convincing yourself you’re better than you are. Just a genuine belief that you are as capable of figuring it out as anyone else. That being new to something isn’t the same as being wrong for it. That if something is for someone else, it can be for you too. That the only way to become qualified is to actually do the thing.

I wasn’t qualified to do a comedy set at a Shane Gillis show. Not on paper.

But I was willing. I was present. I was ready to be uncomfortable. And that’s all it actually took.

The room didn’t make a mistake. I belonged there because I decided I did and then showed up.

You can do the same thing.

The ask

Stop repeating “why them” and start carrying “why not me.”

When the opportunity shows up before you feel “ready”: why not you?
When the role needs to change and they’re asking you to adapt: why not you?
When it’s time to celebrate what you’ve built and who you’ve become: why not you?
When you walk into a room and your brain starts whispering that you’re in over your head: why not you?

The shot doesn’t always wait for you to feel qualified. The question is whether you’ll take it when it comes.

So. Why not you?

Let’s go!!

-KVN